


If only

by sugarmoons



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Guilt, M/M, Post War, i'm not great at tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21720841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarmoons/pseuds/sugarmoons
Summary: Draco's struggling to get by after the war. Whilst living in a beat up lat in knock turn alley he gets checked up on monthly by an auror. This months auror was unexpectedly Harry Potter who wants to help his ex-nemesis in any way he will let him.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley (Mentioned) (divorced), Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley (Mentioned) - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	If only

No warmth spell would work against the frost that crept through Draco’s rundown flat. Knockturn alley was known for its dodgy deals and dark magic but no one mentions the poverty ridden flats that sat above and beside the hidden illegal businesses. 

Mould grew aggressively on the ceiling and the floors were stained and creaked with each step. It was the only thing Draco could afford as he struggled to get a job with his name and past. No one wanted an ex-death eater and there were plenty of other wizards desperate for paid work. 

It didn’t help that since Hermione Granger had been told the ‘bad’ areas of wizarding Britain she’d sent aurors out on monthly rounds. Every second Tuesday night of every month a cocky auror would knock at his door. Mock him. And take a suspiciously long time checking his almost empty apartment. He was a target as many believed his punishment was one that was way too light for his crimes.

He shivered as he grasped the door handle. Opening his door to reveal the one and only Harry Potter. Draco would have chosen the cocky assholes over him any day. He hated showing those who knew him back in school how low he’d fallen. The Ministry had taken anything of value leaving him with his ‘normal’ clothes, the muggle books he’d hidden in the floorboards and some trinkets he’d managed to sell for a couple of galleons.

Harry stood back, surprise written across his face, “Malfoy.”

“Come and do your check, Potter.” He replied in a bored tone.

He couldn’t show his discomfort or the fact his fingertips were turning blue. He had to grit his teeth and bear it. Hoping to Merlin that Harry doesn’t go off and tell his perfect family and friends.

“I didn’t realise it was this bad,” Harry admitted

“My father had one account at Gringotts were he kept his savings, the rest was being thrown at you-know-who’s fund for destruction. Everything we had was taken as collateral.”

Harry shifted uncomfortably, “Want me to buy you a meal? You’re skin and bones.” 

“I’ve survived this long without charity, I don’t need any from you.”

Draco despised even a hint of pity. Who was he to deserve it? He’d helped Voldemort and now he was paying for his cowardice. Maybe if he stood up when it counted he wouldn’t be here at all. A martyr for those fighting against the stupid pureblood supremacists. That or he’d be another statistic of those who’ve died because of the war.

“It’s not charity, it’s more me treating an old schoolmate to a meal.”   
“No matter how you word it, Potter I will still see it as charity.”

“I’ll make a deal with you, if you can show me what you’re eating tonight and it’s a sustainable meal I will let it go. If not I’m dragging you to the nearest place that sells hot food.”

Draco’s eyes darted to what could sort of be called a kitchen. The oven didn’t work even with magic and the hob burned through the bottom of whatever you placed on it. There wasn’t a fridge and most of the cupboards were missing doors.

“How about a compromise, you leave and you’ll never see me again, therefore ridding yourself of any worry.” Draco tried.

“For someone who did so well at school I’m surprised you don’t know the definition of a comprise. We both need to win and lose something.”

Draco’s shoulders slumped, “Fine, Potter. But I’m going to pick the cheapest thing and you can’t argue.”   
“Deal.” Harry agreed outstretching his hand which Draco begrudgingly took.

Harry took him to a muggle restaurant which was quiet for the time of night. Draco was glad his food wasn’t going to get spat in or poisoned. No one knew who either of them were and since it was so empty they didn’t have to worry about someone overhearing them talking about wizarding matters.

“So, how’s the wife?” Draco asked grasping for an easy topic.

“Ex-wife. We divorced months ago, can’t believe you don’t know. The news was all over it. The headlines drove both of us nuts. We’re still friends though, she and I realised that neither of us really swung the way we’d be raised to be.”

“ _ Your _ gay?” Draco looked at him with shock. Harry Potter was gay. Or at least liked guys. Teenage Draco was screaming at the missed opportunity of his schoolboy crush. 

“Well, bi, I like guys either way. Ginny was pining over Luna Lovegood for months before we finalised the divorce. I think we got married because it was what everyone expected, plus it worked with both our public images. In the end we just hung out, drank beer and didn’t have sex.”

It was now Draco’s turn to give a look of pity. Even the Boy Who Lived dealt with unfairness. He’d never guess that Harry’s marriage wasn’t a happy one, the two were always caught laughing and smiling. 

“Wow. Merlin. That’s - that’s certainly something.”

“Yeah,” Harry tailed off, “So what about you then. The war didn’t do you any good.”

“As I’ve said the ministry took everything. My mother found some far extended relatives to hide out with but I couldn’t deal with the pureblood bullshit anymore. I don’t regret not going I just regret not fighting back when it counted.”   
“You were just a boy, Draco. We were just boys and everyone dumped their past problems on our shoulders to fix.”

Draco sighed in frustration. Harry was right but Draco always made himself the villain. If only he fought back. If only he actually tried instead of hiding. He  _ was _ a coward. 

The food was placed down in front of the pair. Enveloped in awkward silence they ate. Draco made sure his chews were as quiet as they could be and Harry kept staring at his plate tearing apart his meal. 

“I feel guilty too.” Harry broke the silence in a whisper, “Everyone that died could still be here if I was only a little stronger.”

Draco looked at him like he’d confessed to murder. How could Harry Potter believe he was at fault after saving the entire wizarding world?

“You saved everyone, you do realise that right? How could you of all people feel guilty?”

“No one was the same after the war Draco, you could commit thousands of good acts and still feel like a failure by doing a single bad one.”

Draco fidgeted under the table. He felt like he had done thousands of bad acts and barely one good one. He felt like a monster. A frightened cowering monster.

“I liked you back at Hogwarts. Full on crushing on what I thought was your straight ass. I repressed it like mad until I gave up. My father ripped me to shreds when he found out, guess it was his fault. He always snooped when he felt like I was hiding something. I’m not scarred physically but I can still feel the pain that went through me.” Draco said diverting from the guilt of war. Not that his father’s abuse was much better.

“That’s horrible. Bloody disgusting.”

“I get that, but I just confessed my crush on you and you totally blanked it.” 

Harry scratched the back of his neck, “I’m not great with the whole feelings thing. Even if it was back then. What if I felt that way about you now? Wouldn’t it be weird.”

Goosebumps rose on Draco’s skin at the subtle hints Harry was dropping. Were they even that subtle if he could pick up on them so easily? His stomach went funny as his head started to dart in fuzzy thoughts. Harry Potter liked him. At least he thought Harry Potter liked him.   
  


“I don’t think it’d be too weird if you liked me now,” Draco teased, “We always had that weird sexual tension thing back a Hogwarts. Arch nemesis’ and all that crap.”

Harry laughed, “You call that sexual tension, Merlin, Malfoy.”   
“Back to Malfoy are we?”   
“Back to Malfoy,  _ Draco _ .”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by @/drarrylover4life 's post https://drarrylover4life.tumblr.com/post/189120737927/broke-drarry


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